The bigger Picture

If you know me at all you know my favorite musician is Brooke Fraser. She has written some of my favorite worship songs
"None But Jesus", "Hosanna" and many more. She is also a singer songerwriter and someone I aspire to be like musically.
One of my favorite songs of hers is "Albertine" and the story she tells about going to Africa and visiting a certain village where
she falls in love with one of the little kids there and goes on to say "Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds
is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms I cannot let go till you are"
My heart broke for the people of Africa and I knew one day I wanted to go share Jesus with them. Love on them. Sing to them.
So when the opportunity arose for me to go to Kenya with my church Willowbrook, I knew I wanted to go.
I was so excited, I began to play in my mind the videos I would take and the opportunites I would have to go and love on
these people. We prayed for a month to see if this was our desire or Gods desire and slowly I started to feel God say
"It's not time"  Slowly people began committing to the trip and I just couldnt do it. My leader and mentor kept asking and I
just told her I dont know what it is but I feel like i shouldnt go. I had many close friends going and it just seemed so clear
'why wouldnt i go now?'
So with a heavy heart I obeyed and told them I wasnt sure why but I wasnt able to go on this trip I did not have a peace about it.
Slighty heartbroken I moved on hearing the stories of the team building and raising money for the trip.

I was in the hospital yesterday for Nolans test and one of the people going on the trip was working at the hospital. We stopped and talked
for a while and as we were leaving she handed me a picture of the team and asked me to pray for Kenya. 
I asked oh man thats coming up.. When are ya'll leaving again?
She said oh this Friday. 
My eyes welled up.
God knew... But I didnt. It was that simple. 
There was no way I would have left my little boy going through all of this. Financially it would have been a loss due to the money you
have to put down in the beggining and even though they would have understood my circumstance I would have let down the team.

God knew... But i didnt. 
God is God and I am not. ( thankfully )

So my prayer for you is always listen to God not your own desire. He may have something so much more important for you if you just sit
 still and listen to him
"Be still and KNOW that I am God"

-ashley


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